I took a step "out of the boat" this year and felt completely led to start working with the High School students at Clearview. I spent 8 days in San Diego on an Upward mission trip this summer with 7 of the most amazing youth and just came home craving more......I knew God was calling me. I do have a tendancy to not listen, but this time I did. Shocking - I know.... Anyway - after spending some time in prayer and talking to others God really laid it on my heart to get involved in small group ministry somehow. I scheduled an appointment with Matt and was prepared to talk to him about starting one.....little did I know - we already have one that he was looking to expand.....isn't God so cool! Well - I ended up being blessed to co-lead this crazy awesome group of 12 girls - 9th grade thru 12th grade - with this crazy awesome person I had NEVER met. We have been meeting now since September and we are just now really starting to dig in and figure this whole thing out. We met tonight and had some questions posed, mainly to the girls, just regarding our faith and our relationship with God and our families. It was so good to hear what these girls have to say and how they are feeling. There are a few girls in our group that I have always looked at as almost intimidating - they are those girls that you meet that just so seem to have it all together - but tonight I had a glimpse of a more transparent side of them that made me see that they are trying to figure it all out too. They truely want to figure it out - just like me - even with 22 years between us.
Most of the things that we talked about tonight really got me thinking.....which is unusual for me:) I am not a processor.....but today I am I guess!
It was asked of the girls what is one attribute if you will of God/Christ is the most difficult for us to grasp/understand.....is it that He died for us, or that He desires to be in a relationship with us imperfect humans, or the grace that He offers.....or just that He loves us unconditionally. The comment that really got me going was one of the girls talking about a conversation she had this week with her mom and how her mom was able to use the correlation of a mothers love for her children with Gods love for all of His children. I think that truely is a difficult concept to grasp unless you are a mother.... it is so huge to think that anyone can TRUELY love anyone unconditionally. But - I am a mother......I understand what her mother was telling her. I just forget sometimes that it is the same way that God loves me.
I truley have 2 of the coolest kids walking. I think they are amazing - in spite of their mother sometimes. I am excited in the morning for them to wake up, just so I can see their sweet faces and smell the sleep on them. I look forward to them coming home from school so I can hear about their day, and listen to them help each other with homework (that is always entertaining). I love to hang out with them on the weekends - whether it is at a soccer game or at home or driving to a birthday party. I cherish my time with them. This is how I feel about them in my heart. But - does my head always let them know that this is how I feel about them? When I am tired or had a bad day at work, or whatever - can they tell that I would give anything to be able to drop everything and just hang out with them? Big answer - NO. Should I be better about letting them know -YES! I love my girls with my whole heart. There is not a single thing either of them could do to make me stop loving them. Are there times I don't like how they act or what they do - sure - but I always love them. I really try to tell them, when I can - I don't like what you did - but I LOVE you. I think my girls know that I truely love them unconditionally. That may become more foreign to them as they get older, but today - they know I love them. They know that sometimes Mom lets things get in the way of my time with them, but that doesn't mean mommy doesn't love them.
I am a completely imperfect mother. Hence the name change on the blog..... I am the mom who forgets to send school pictures back in, who forgets to make sure the back pack was packed the night before, who doesn't always pack the tidy lunch box. I am the mom who makes my 7 year old and 10 year old fold their own laundry. I don't clean their rooms for them, I don't always remember to send notes in.....these are the reasons I say that my kids are amazing in spite of me. But - I love them with my whole heart. I would step in front of a speeding train to save them. I would rather give them up than be split in half..... I would die on a cross to save them from their sins........hmmmmm....I think I am beginning to comprehend just a bit more how much God loves me.
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